“Be yourself” is the advice we sometimes hear, and in some cases that is absolutely right. We need to embrace our unique personality traits and the special talents God has given us. We can’t live someone else’s life; we have to live our own. So, in that sense, “be yourself” is sound counsel.
On the other hand, there are character traits, behavior patterns, and ways of speaking that have become natural to me. When in certain situations, I typically react in this way or say certain things. That’s “who I am.” So, if those things that I usually say (or don’t say) are hurting my wife, then being “myself” is not the right advice.
Sometimes, that kind of statement is used as a justification for our behavior. We may say, “Well, that’s just who I am,” or, “I’m just being myself.” Somehow, that makes it okay then to be rude, sarcastic or insensitive to the feelings of others, particularly those of our wives.
Jesus is asking us to say, do and be the farthest thing from our natural character. What is most like Jesus is most unlike us. In fact, the Scriptures teach repeatedly from beginning to end that we must be transformed. “Being ourselves” is what got this world in the mess it is in now. “Being ourselves” is what has hurt our wives repeatedly. We have to become someone else. That someone else is Jesus.
God’s plan is for us to be “transformed” into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). This is God’s new creation…a new man created in His image to act, talk and think like Jesus (Ephesians 2:10; 4:20-24). That transformation process takes place through the Holy Spirit working in our hearts through His word, as we look into that holy and perfect mirror and see Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:18; James 1:22-25).
For example:
My natural response may be to try and “figure out and fix” everything while my wife is talking, but Jesus wants me to become a better listener and to seek to understand what she is saying and how she feels about it.
“Being myself” might result in a sarcastic comeback that I personally thought was pretty hilarious, but my wife didn’t share the same opinion. Being like Jesus would have led to a more loving and tender response.
Acting like me means that I will hold on to that grudge and let past hurts affect my present and future. Being like Jesus will lead me to deal with those hurts in a godly manner and then release them.
This transformation process is not overnight, as I’m sure you know. It takes years, and sometimes it is downright ugly, but the end result is that our thinking, words and deeds flow from a heart that is governed by Jesus and not self.