Read 1 Samuel 25.
A rotten scoundrel and a righteous warrior are at a deadly point of conflict, and an attractive woman with a good head on her shoulders is caught in between the two. Wow, that first sentence might sound like the lead up to a great Oscar-winning film, but this action-packed romantic drama is within Scripture. As we journey into 1 Samuel 25 together, let us first take some time to consider the three main characters.
David.
He is a shepherd who had a heart tuned in to God. He was called by the Lord and anointed to be the next king of Israel because God refused to let the kingdom of Saul stand. This was a direct result of Saul’s rebellion and pride. While Saul was still king, David rose in popularity among the people, especially after he slew the giant, Goliath. This bred great jealousy, paranoia and hatred on the part of King Saul, stirring him to pursue David all over Israel in attempts to kill him.
During this time of running for his life, David showed incredible trust in God, as well as patience and humility. When David had the opportunity to attack the Philistines, he first inquired of the Lord (1 Samuel 23:2-4). He also showed great restraint when he had the perfect chance to kill King Saul, but he refused because he knew it was sinful to strike down the Lord’s anointed (1 Samuel 24). David had been unlawfully chased, falsely accused and unfairly treated, and he was the victim of attempted murder on more than one occasion. In fact, King Saul had 85 priests and the whole city of Nob slaughtered because they gave refuge and assistance to David (1 Samuel 22). Many of David’s great deeds were returned with evil. Yet David continued to work on trusting the Lord.
However, just like every human, David had his snapping point.
David and his loyal soldiers were fleeing and hiding from King Saul, but at the same time they provided security for Nabal’s shepherds while in the area. As was customary, they requested a reasonable gratuity or “tip” for their services. They just wanted a meal on a feast day. We will see that Nabal, a worthless scoundrel of a businessman, seemed to find the right straw to put on the camel’s back, and David was about to massacre a whole family and corporation. He is about to do something in his rage that he would forever regret. Who will talk some sense into him? Well, it was not Nabal.
Nabal.
Nothing good is said of this man in Scripture. The only redeeming thing he had going for him was his wife, which we will discuss in just a moment. Nabal owned a large livestock business. He, like David, was of the tribe of Judah. He was “harsh and evil in his doings,” according to verse 3. However he got his riches, it certainly was not from being an honest businessman with integrity and class. Brown-Driver-Brigg’s defines “harsh” as hard, severe, cruel, stubborn and fierce. In verse 10, Nabal showed great condescension and a serious lack of gratitude for David and his men when he accused David of being a traitor to King Saul’s throne. He scorned and reviled David and his men, repaying them evil for good (verses 14 and 21). His arrogance and self-absorption are made readily apparent in verse 11 when Nabal used “I,” “me,” or “my” 7 times. Nabal was in love with Nabal. Do you know anybody like that?
To further illustrate what kind of character Nabal was, think of how freely willing his own slaves were in speaking to their master’s wife about him. To talk bad about your boss is one thing, but to go to his wife is completely another! Yet, we see in the text that they knew they could talk to her, and they knew she would do something to remedy the situation. It is safe to say that this is not the first time they came to Abigail about Nabal.
Nabal was called by his own servants a “scoundrel” (verse 17) which means “a son of Belial.” The name “Belial” is from two words which together mean worthless, of no value at all. To call someone a “Son of Belial” was basically the same as calling him Satan. Nabal’s own name meant “fool,” and even Abigail freely confessed that he lived up to his name (see verse 25). It makes you wonder what his parents were thinking in naming him “fool.” Nabal was impossible. He was unapproachable. Nobody could talk to him, and nobody wanted to talk to him. So to whom shall we go for help?
Abigail.
The Scripture describes Abigail, the wife of Nabal, as “a woman of good understanding and beautiful appearance.” The English Standard Version translates this as “discerning and beautiful.” She was pretty – she looked good on the outside, but more importantly she was very wise. One of the first things I wondered when reading verse 3 is how a woman like that ended up with such a jerk. Maybe it was an arranged marriage, but there are other possible explanations, and the Bible simply does not tell us how or why they ended up together. It doesn’t matter. The reality is, she is married to a worthless scoundrel, and she has to deal with the hand she has been given.
The word “discerning” means having good sense and insight. Abigail was attractive on the outside, but what saved the day (and a lot of lives) here was her discernment. She knew what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. She knew how to approach someone, but she also knew when to leave someone alone (see verses 19 and 36). Because of her discretion, she took a volatile and deadly situation and diffused it with calm reasoning and tender care.
A word spoken in due season.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” the Proverb writer said, and that truth is demonstrated here with Abigail. David made an oath to his men that together they would slaughter every male of Nabal’s household by morning light (vs. 22,34). What stood in between that promise and its eventuality was the well-placed words and careful actions of Abigail.
She kept her cool.
How crucial is it for us to keep our cool when others’ tempers are flaring? Ask Abigail! The Bible says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls” (Proverbs 25:28). A city without walls in those days was defenseless, vulnerable, and open to attack. So a person whose emotions are of out of control is completely vulnerable for any attack the Devil wants to throw at them. So when others around us are in a rage and drama is the flavor of the day, it is all the more critical that somebody keeps his or her cool – someone like an Abigail.
Are you an Abigail, or are you the person that others keep telling to calm down because your emotions are out of control? If Abigail allowed her own emotions to take over, then she wouldn’t have had the wits about her to stop this oncoming slaughter. This is why doctors, emergency personnel, pilots and soldiers are put through all kinds of hard, emotionally-charged and almost impossible situations as they are being trained. You do not want them falling apart in an emergency – lives are at stake. Abigail could not afford to fall to pieces; too much was on the line.
She met the immediate need.
She knew just what to do, and she went into action. Did you see the meal she assembled in a matter of moments? Remember that her husband ran a huge business, and they had a large household with many servants. Their pantry would make any food lover’s mouth water. It was also a feast day, so naturally a lot of food would have already been prepared. Look at verse 18 at the supplies that she gathers right away to take to David and his men.
David was hungry and tired. His men were hungry and tired. It was a feast day, a time for rest, refreshment and rejoicing. They had worked hard to protect Nabal’s shepherds and all they wanted was a little respect and some food to go with it. Do not overlook the fact that Abigail met the immediate need and request. She did not just go out and try to reason with them without taking care of the first problem.
This might seem like a silly example, but think about it this way. If you have children, and your little child is having a nuclear-meltdown-temper-tantrum, you could face the tantrum head on and punish him or her for throwing a fit. But you would be wise to consider “why” he or she is behaving that way. Maybe he is really hungry, needs a nap or both. I’m not saying ignore the temper, but maybe if you get the child some nutritious food and a nap you would see a difference. I am not saying that you bribe the child to get them to calm down, but if they are over-tired and lacking food, they will not be very reasonable. That takes a cool head and discernment to know what the child needs at the time. If the parent just loses his or her temper, then we merely join in with the kids’ drama and they will not be taught how to properly handle their own emotions. Seek, like Abigail, to discern what the immediate need or concern is.
Another example is that the brethren in Acts 6 were murmuring against each other because certain Greek widows were being neglected in the daily care that was given to Jewish widows. It was a recipe for a big emotionally-charged fight based on ethnic differences (Greeks versus Hebrews). The apostles dealt with the immediate need: they appointed seven men to make sure the Greek widows had the provisions they needed. The apostles could have just rebuked them for having poor attitudes toward their brethren, but the Greek widows would still be hungry. They dealt with the immediate need.
Abigail knew the way to a man’s heart and she took care of the issue at hand first before she began to attempt to reason with David. When tempers are soaring high, we have to look past all of that and see what the need is that is not being met, and maybe meeting that need will help diffuse some of the current tension.
She did not make excuses for Nabal’s behavior.
I have heard Abigail called an “enabler” because of how she tried to take the blame for Nabal. Abigail was not in any way enabling Nabal’s behavior. There was nothing in her power to improve or change Nabal. He was not changing for anyone, period, no matter what Abigail said or did. When she came before David, she said openly that her husband lives up to his name, “fool.” Her husband’s bad character was a reality that was well known to everyone and she merely acknowledged it. Sometimes a spouse or friend will think he is doing a loved one a favor by making excuses for bad behavior or try to cover it up, but it will only make matters far worse. Abigail was not trying to cover up Nabal’s wicked ways. She is trying to save a lot of people from being slaughtered. She called her husband out for what he is in order to show that this was his decision, not hers, to treat David and his men that way.
A wise elderly sister once told me that you have to deal with what is, not with what should be. Abigail deserved a better husband than this. David deserved better treatment than this. Nabal should never have talked or behaved in such an evil way, but he did, and that’s where Abigail found herself, in the wake of her husband’s bad deeds once again. How many times have spouses found themselves drowning in the consequences of their spouse’s lack of character? What is Abigail to do?
Was she a submissive wife?
She called her husband a fool. She went behind his back and without his blessing. Twice in this account she withheld information from her husband (verses 19 and 36). She knew it would do no good to tell him certain things. However, that does not make her “un-submissive” as a wife.
The apostles said, “We ought to obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29), so there are times when it is impossible to obey man and still be pleasing to God. What if a spouse wants you to stay home from church? Do I please my spouse or obey Jesus? There should never be a conflict in that area, but sadly in too many relationships, there is. Wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). Their submission is first and foremost to Jesus, so if there is a conflict, the wife has to obey Jesus. I have known of Christian women who had to “sneak” their giving to the Lord because their husbands did not want money going to God or to a needy person.
What if you are in a car in the passenger seat and the driver is falling asleep? Do you remain silent, or do you reach over and grab the steering wheel to keep from going into the ditch? You take hold of the wheel, because although you are in the passenger seat, you do not feel like dying that night.
Abigail is a submissive wife who loves God and is trying to make the best of the situation she has been given. I am not writing this to justify throwing off respect for authority. Nor should we try to ease our conscience for not obeying those over us simply because we don’t agree with others’ rules. God knows your heart, and if you are seeking to ignore authority to do things your way, He knows. That is not the spirit of Abigail displayed here.
She appealed to David with calm, godly reasoning.
Notice that although she could not talk to Nabal this way, she firmly believed she could approach David with a spiritual line of reasoning. Her husband was unreasonable, unspiritual and unapproachable. David was of a different character. Even though he has snapped and has temporarily lost his mind, Abigail believes David will listen.
Here are a few of the points that she made to David.
- David, God is working in your life and He fights for you, and all of your enemies (Goliath, Saul, Nabal, etc.) will be punished by God. You have no need to take vengeance into your own hands. God is looking out for you.
- David, think of the consequences of your actions. When you become king, do you want this deed hanging over you? Do you really want to be remembered this way?
- David, when you are made king, remember me.
Abigail met the immediate need and gave them food. She did not make any excuses for Nabal’s behavior, nor did she try to make David somehow partly to blame for Nabal’s behavior. With wisdom, boldness, clarity and calmness she appealed to David’s higher motives to help him remember his God and his purpose.
And David listened.
Are you a David?
David proved himself to be a great and humble man, because unlike Nabal, he listened to Abigail. Even though he had vowed to his men to destroy Nabal’s household, he backed down and calmed his temper.
He gave the glory to God, but David also recognized that Abigail was God’s instrument to restrain him from great evil. David knew full well that if it were not for Abigail, he would have taken vengeance and committed murder. His unjustified wrath would have lead to catastrophic loss and horrendous consequences for him and many others. The “wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).
David’s repentance can be credited to a woman like Abigail who had the discretion to know how to approach him and what to say. It made all the difference.
Are you a Nabal?
Here’s the reality check. There are people today who are just like Nabal. You can’t talk to them. They are unapproachable. These folks are never wrong. If you try to correct them it ends up being all your fault. Any blame they might accept (after an impossibly long period of trying to convince them) is tied to something you did to cause it. They blow up at you, intimidate you and bully you. They’ll try to confuse you, gaslight you and twist it around on you that you are really the problem, not them. The Nabal’s of the world are in churches, politics, sports, families and at work.
Let me ask you: Have you heard from multiple people in your life that you are self-centered, stubborn, never wrong and unapproachable? Then you are most likely in the Nabal category.
I have known of Christians who got physically ill, who literally vomited, at the thought of having to confront a Nabal-like person with wrongdoing. These poor, abused, beaten-down Christians were so scared at the thought of approaching the Nabal in their lives that they were driven to throw up. And some of these Nabal’s sit in church pews every Sunday. Sometimes these Nabal-types are even in church leadership positions.
Read James 3:13-18. Do we really want to avoid being a Nabal? Do we really want to be the “wise and understanding” person in the room? James says, “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” Are we truly peaceable? What do others say about us? Are we open to reason? What do others say about us?
Remember this. Nabal was struck by the Lord with a heart disease and died. That’s it. Game over for Nabal in this world, but he will bow before the Almighty King and answer to Him. Nabal’s wife, Abigail, became David’s wife. If you are a Nabal, the Lord has your number.
Are you an Abigail?
There are Abigail-types in the home. There are women whose husbands are not walking with Jesus, but they continue faithfully teaching their children and leading them to Jesus. God bless you richly for this. Sometimes a woman of Christ has a narcissistic husband that makes her life absolutely miserable at home. But then that same husband fools folks at church to make them think he’s a great guy. But she is at home truly leading the family, and trying to keep the family from spiritually driving off into the ditch. God sees you, dear Abigail.
There are Abigail-types in the church. There are godly and wise women who help calm down situations and keep good people from walking off the cliff of bad decisions. There are dear sisters that help others see things in a more spiritual and merciful perspective. Sometimes those sisters have to help the Christian men keep from dealing out “death and judgment”. God bless you dear sisters for being an Abigail.
Abigail was discerning because first and foremost she loved God. Secondly, her discernment was a result of her great humility. Verse 41 says that she was willing to be a servant to David’s servants and to wash their feet. That speaks volumes about her attitude, and helps to explain how she was able to deal with Nabal on a daily basis, and how she was able to approach David with discretion and grace.
God bless the Abigail who uses her wisdom to remain cool under fire and to help the David in her life see the wisdom and purpose of God.
God bless the David who calms down and listens to the Abigail in his life.