Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him. Acts 8:2
Stephen had just been brutally stoned to death by a mob of angry Jews. All Stephen did was preach what God told him to and these wicked people smashed him with rocks until he died. This innocent man was so unjustly treated. He died young. He died doing God’s work. Stephen cried out to Jesus and Jesus took his spirit.
What did the church do? Yes they went and preached everywhere, but don’t skip ahead to that part yet. There is a very important thing that you’ll miss if you move on too fast.
They stopped to cry. They made “great lamentation” over Stephen. He was their friend. He was their dear loved one. He was an innocent man cut down by violent people. He died too soon. This isn’t right. This isn’t the way it is supposed to be. We don’t understand. Why God? Where are you God? Please help us Lord, arise and save us from this dark valley of despair. Why can’t the wicked people die young, and the righteous people live longer? Our hearts ache, our couches are drenched with our tears. All night long we toss and turn. Our stomachs are sick with grief. God we hurt. Please help us! Please come! Please don’t hide Your face!
These “devout men” took the time to let their eyes be filled with tears. They vented their sadness. They poured out their souls to each other and to God.
And they were free to do so! These men certainly weren’t westerners. They weren’t dignified Americans like us.
They cried. They cried loud. They cried a lot. They got their ugly cry on.
Our western culture could learn quite a bit about mourning by just going back to the Bible.
How long did they mourn for Jacob? His embalming and mourning process went on for months (Genesis 50)!
How long did they mourn for Moses? 30 Days (Deuteronomy 34:8).
When Isaac married Rebekah, the Bible says he was comforted concerning the death of his mother, Sarah. If you look at the timeline, Isaac was 37 when his mother died, and 40 when he married Rebekah. He had been grieving for 3 years for his mother! Don’t you think he should be over it by now? Only by western standards.
There are many Psalms devoted to lamenting. They are written in pain. The Psalmists are crying out in pain to God for one reason or another. Life hurts. Sickness, pain, trials, enemies, adversity, confusion, worry, dark valleys of despair, etc. We don’t like to sing those Psalms. They just aren’t fitting in our “Christian” assemblies. We want “I’m happy today” and “The Lord Liveth.” We want victory songs, happy songs, marching tunes where we just roll right over that old Devil.
But sometimes life for the Psalmists and life for us just absolutely crushes us and we are under a heavy weight of sadness. And no pie-in-the-sky quick-fix kind of Christian platitudes can fix it.
We must allow ourselves time to grieve. Sometimes, you gotta sit still and let it hurt. Don’t try to medicate this pain. Just let it hurt.
I must also say this, that many times we make someone else’s grief about us. I want to fix your grief, because I’m uncomfortable with it. I want your grief to go away, because I don’t know how to handle you in this state of emotion. We are very uncomfortable with people’s negative emotions, so we try to shut it down.
Sadly, we do this in the name of Jesus. We try to tell people that they should be happy, or that they shouldn’t be crying. Or make it sound like if you had more faith, you wouldn’t be so sad. The apostle Paul says that we do not mourn like the world does, because they have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). I believe some have interpreted that to mean that we shouldn’t be too sad if a Christian dies. That’s not what Paul meant.
By the way, even Paul was thankful that his dear friend, Epaphroditus, was spared from death. Why? Because Paul would have had “sorrow upon sorrow” (Philippians 2). Sorrow upon sorrow. Those are Paul’s words, not mine. Epaphroditus was a faithful servant of Jesus, and if he died, he would be with Jesus. To die in Christ is gain, right? Yes, but that would not take away Paul’s “sorrow upon sorrow.”
Sometimes I believe as people we get this “either or” mentality. I’m either going to mourn for my departed loved one, or I will have faith and rejoice in the hope of heaven. As I read the Bible it is not either or, it is “both.” I can both sorrow and rejoice. As a Christian, I can feel both at the same time. Sometimes the wave of sorrow overwhelms, but joy will come in the morning. God made us to be complex creatures with the ability to feel multiple emotions. The faithful servant of Christ can be absolutely heartbroken and sad, but also have hope and rejoice knowing Jesus saves and He is on the throne.
Please friends, take time to grieve. Get out your ugly cry and let it go. If you have to, go to your room, your secret place, the woods, your workshop, the beach, and just cry your heart out. Take the Psalms with you. Take Jesus with you. But let yourself just cry.
Great lamentation.